One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
