my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
