I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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