I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
