The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
