Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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