Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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