Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize