We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
