Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
