i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
