That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
