Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we should paint friendship bongs
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