I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
