That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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