Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
