Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
