Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
