I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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