Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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