he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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