I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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