I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
