Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
