So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
