you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
