i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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