evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
