Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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