Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
