she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
