my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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