never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
