some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
