these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
