i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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