i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
