My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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