Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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