Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
