I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
