you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You have to summon your inner elephant
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fill condoms, not promises.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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