got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
