This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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