I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
