I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
