Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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