Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
