its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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