I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
