I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Shame is for Republicans.
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