The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
