Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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