my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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