This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
