he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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