youre lurking in front of me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
