If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
