new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize