$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
