WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
