you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
