And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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