butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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