on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
