the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize