My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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