Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I could make wine with my vomit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
