remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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