It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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