Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
