She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize