I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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