you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
