I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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