But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
