even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
