: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
