I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
