my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My bed smells like the plague
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize