ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
