Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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