he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this hospital has no fireball
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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