i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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