she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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