I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
