just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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