The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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