I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
