Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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