it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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