kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
